As of approximately 1:27pm on April 29, 2011, I finished law school. Done. Complete. Over. As in no more exams, no more highlighters, no more reading, no more outlining, no more Socratic method. Nothing. Until we started bar review, of course... but for a week I relished in the finality of it all.
I don't even remember coming home from turning in my last exam because I was floating. I called Tyler and my mom and just listened to them congratulate me while experiencing what I can only call an out-of-body experience. I wish I had words to describe my emotions: elation, pride, relief, exhaustion- all good attempts but they seem to fall short.
My entire life I have wanted to be a lawyer. I remember my friends talking about what they wanted to be "when we grow up" and no one had a clue. Or if they did, they have changed their mind completely. But I knew. I knew that I had to find a career that allowed me to talk a lot, argue, dress up, and interact with people. Literally those were the things I wanted. As I got older I realized that the law was in fact the best place for me. It fits me. It is the perfect blend of my love of government and policy and language and communication.
And now I sit here having completed three years of law school, studied for and taken the bar exam, and only one ceremonial step away from saying "I am a lawyer." Or signing my name "Elizabeth M. Gailey, Esquire." I have begun instructing people to call me "Doctor," and I am only slightly joking. This is real. This is my life. I did it.
Once again, my words fail me when trying to desribe the last three years. Law school is awful. And wonderful. It is a grueling intellectual, emotional, and physical battle that no one really tells you about before you start. Sure, they tell you that it is "hard" and "stressful" and the first year is "not fun", but really no one tells you just how awful it is. They don't tell you that you will feel like a fish out of water, completely out of place among these seemingly brillant people. They don't tell you that it will take you months, maybe even a year, to realize that you do belong, and you are worthy. They don't tell you that the only thing that can get you through your first year is your family, a lot of caffeine, and anti-anxiety medicine. They don't tell you that you will get grades you have never seen before, or that your prescription for glasses/contacts will change 4 times in 3 years. They don't tell you that you will feel like quitting more times than you can count in that first year. They don't tell you that you will lose all semblance of a social life, you will barely participate in holiday celebrations, and you will absolutely not care about your birthday, your once-favorite holiday.
They also don't tell you that law school is wonderful, that you will come out of it a completely changed person. They don't tell you that you will be more confident, more educated, and more empowered than you have ever been. They don't tell you that you will see the world in a different way. They don't tell you that you will feel as though you can do anything or perservere through anything after law school. They don't tell you that one day, everything will suddenly click, and your grades will improve and you will retain information and actually answer a question in class correctly. You may even be asked to "say it again", though that never happened to me. They don't tell you that you will look back and wonder how you never knew the things you know now, as they feel like second nature to you. They tell you that you will never look at the world the same way again, but you don't understand that until you catch yourself thinking a certain way and saying things you never said before. And constantly warning people about torts they may be on the verge of committing. They don't tell you that law school is like middle school- you have a mailbox, a locker, a lunchbox, and people gossip and move around in cliques. They tell you that you will become close friends with the people in your section your first year, with whom you spend every waking hour. But they don't tell you that you will bond with those people more quickly than you could ever imagine. They don't tell you that law school is like going to war, and the people who fight alongside you will become some of the best friends you have ever had. They don't tell you that you will come to depend on these people for the laugh you need when you don't even know you need it, for entertainment at lunch, for notes when you just can't stomach attending class, and for the boost of confidence you need to get you through the day. They don't tell you that you will come from varied backgrounds but once you get down to the core of each person, you realize that you are so different, yet so similar. You literally need each other to function on a daily basis, otherwise the big dark cloud that is law school will take over.
What they don't tell you is that you will change for the better. You will make friends who will be your friends for life, on whom you will call when you need personal and professional advice, to whom you will refer clients, and who will be there with you through the bar exam roller coaster. What they don't tell you is that the true reward, the true accomplishment of making it through law school and realizing your life-long dream will only be made sweeter by the people who enter you life along the way. I know without a doubt that I am a better person because of my "law school friends", as I call them. I am more open, more outgoing, a better listener, more dependable, more confident, and more educated because of the influence they had on me. For that I am so very thankful. They don't tell you that you will think you have found your group, the people with whom you feel like you should be friends. But you will quickly realize that they are in fact not the people meant to take this journey with you, and you will eventually settle into your group with people you may not have seen coming, but you are so glad they did. You will attend their weddings, celebrate their children, send notes and make meals when they suffer personal losses, share meals when lunches are left at home, buy them a frosty when they don't even know they need it, comfort each other knowing that they are just as miserable as you are, and text each other with questions at insanely late and early hours of the day. You will spend more time with them than you do your spouse for a large part of the year, so it makes sense that you would choose people you enjoy being around. Your spouse may even start referring to one {or more} of them as your "law school boyfriend" because you are on the phone with them a lot during bar review. These friends make the incredibly daunting and scary bar exam so much better when you see their familiar faces waiting for you in the lobby between sessions and you don't even have to say what you are thinking because they already know.
They don't tell you a lot of things about law school, arguably because no one would go if they knew the truth. I have talked to a number of people who are contemplating taking the law school leap, and I have counseled them as best I can about the things I did not know when I was on that side. But without a doubt I always tell them that their lives will change for the better because of the people they encounter. And that is worth the blood, sweat, and tears right there.
I have no idea if any of my people are reading this, but if you are.... thank you. I am so proud of you and admire you. I can never thank you enough for loving me for the last three years. We did it!!!
{And yes, the title of this post is directly from Legally Blonde the Musical... only fitting.}
